Proverbs 19:3 (NLT) People ruin their lives by their own foolishness and then are angry at the LORD.
Have you ever been mad at God? Something bad…really bad… happens and you decide to blame God. So you yell and scream at Him because you think He allowed the circumstance to happen.
“How can you do this to me?!” You shout. “Don’t you care about me at all? How could you have let this happen?”
I found myself screaming those very words at the top of my lungs when our expensive attempt at in-vitro fertilization (IVF) failed. The doctor said she had only seen one other case like mine in her entire career and because of the high probability of another failed attempt, the couple decided not to go through the procedure again.
My husband and I wanted to have a family of our own. We had been through so many fertility procedures, and even had a child in our home through our city’s foster-adopt program only to come up empty. For me the IVF failure was the final straw and I blew up at God.
I was mad and asked the question, “How could He have allowed all these things to happen?”
What I didn’t realize at the time is this… God’s timing and plan for my life is perfect. Instead of seeking the Lord and trusting Him through the circumstance, I flew off the handle and got angry because things weren’t happening the way I thought they should have.
Two weeks after the IVF failed, I received a phone call from a dear friend. It went something like this:
“Remember Andi?”
I thought for a moment. “I remember the name.”
“Well, she’s pregnant and wants to give you the baby.”
“What?” My heart raced as my head processed what my friend has just said.
“The pregnancy was unplanned and she really doesn’t feel like she could provide for a child at this point in her life. She knows some of what you’ve gone through and loves this child enough to give him or her a good family.”
Silence hung in the air as I thought “could this be the reason everything else hasn’t worked out for us?”
I had no idea how to respond.
“I need to talk to my husband before going any further. You know we’ve been down this road before and it’s painful. The promise of a child and then the decision by the mother to keep the baby hurts so much. I don’t think I could go through that again.”
“I know. When she told me I told her I couldn’t let you go through another heartache. She promised me it would happen…and I believe her.”
God knows our hearts and sees our life from beginning to end. He knew the IVF would fail. His plan was for the child this woman carried to be ours. Because I could only see the situation that was right in front of me, I reacted in anger when things didn’t turn out the way I planned. But God knew I would be a mother in less than 9 months.
His plans are so much bigger and better than ours!
Through this journey, my faith has grown and I have learned to trust Him completely. I also know without a doubt He is working even when I can’t see what He’s doing.
When the words “Mom, where are my bullets?” came out of my son’s mouth, I really wanted to say “Matthew 7:7.” But I savored the memory of those moments with my Dad. Just to let you in on a little secret…I have started shouting out “Matthew 7:7” more and more lately as I’m asked “Where is my notebook?” or “Where is my iPad?” Funny how he gives me the same exact response I gave my dad all those years ago.